Choice = Bravery

Does Choice = Bravery? 
When’s the last time you were really brave!?

There’s a saying do something that scares you every day. 
It’s funny I don’t consider myself a fearful person, but doing something that scares me or makes me have to be brave seems like a different skill. It’s more like, pushing myself out of my comfort zone. 
How often do you do that?

I have a couple stories to share with you about making choices and being brave.

I got back to Israel a week ago, just in time to go on a field trip with Pardes. We went hiking in the Negev. The desert. It’s humongous, vast and has a unique beauty. The landscapes changed each day as we hiked. 

On the second day, we went to Mitzpe Ramon. We were hiking in the dry river bed. Lots of rocks and sand. Towards the end of the hike, we came upon water. There was no way around it- only through it. I could see from the people in front of me the water came up to their thighs, I knew that meant it would come up to my waist. 

What was my choice?!

So taking off my shoes, I waded through the cold water. As we rounded the next bend, more water. This time really deep. Some people swam through it.  

Choices again!  
Turn around and go back through the cold water again, climb up a really tall part of a cliff using handrails… or climb up the face of the wall… 
Or maybe I could just stay there. No option sounded good to me. 

I couldn’t imagine climbing up using handrails. It was really high and it looked really scary. I’m standing facing the wall thinking how I’m was I ever going to get up. Thank goodness for my friends who said we’re going to help you do it. 
They showed me where to put my feet and hands and I climbed up the face of the wall.*

Before I started climbing I almost started crying. I was shaking inside and out. This took a different type of bravery muscle than I was used to using. 
But I did it! I made it through! 
And no one had to push my butt;-)

We all did it. 

Some of us more skilled or scared than others. Teamwork at its best. When I was retelling this story to one of my wisest friends, she said it's more than teamwork. It's looking outside of yourself to see what another person might need. How you can help someone else. What might be easy for you, could be scaring the life out of another. So more than teamwork, humanity work. Building community.

The other type of choice comes in the form of relationships. I think about this kind all the time. Whether it’s making new friends or meeting new people or going new places, they all take a level of risk. Mostly the risk of rejection. 

I’ve met a handful of people, that have said, 
“I’ve been hurt...
                just broken up with my... 
                                        had my heart broken...
and I’m not sure I can risk getting hurt again. 
So as much as I’d like to get to know you, I just can’t...”

I’m not trying to shame anyone more just trying to put out a spectrum of how different people deal with their wounds. 

We all have scars... 

Times we’ve been hurt or disappointed by people or by life. Most of us don’t show our wounds. Most you don't even see and would never know unless we trusted you enough to tell you. 

Many of you know, I keep pushing through, like an energizer bunny. 
I always say, what choice do I have? 
Of course, like most of you, many days I like to just get in bed with my covers over my head. But I can can’t... don’t. 

I think of these verse of this Regina Spektor song On the Radio

No, this is how it works 

You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like 

And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made 

And stick it into some
Someone else's heart 

Pumping someone else's blood 

And walking arm in arm 

You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does You'll just do it all again

That's me. 
I for sure am not saying this is an easy choice, but for me, it's the only choice. 
Push through the discomfort. 
When you get knocked down (and you will), get up again, dust yourself off and try again. 
I've added a new step, what did I learn from this experience? 

Sde Boker

Sending you blessings to try something new. 
Get out of your comfort zone. 
Courage to push yourself physically. 
Welcome a new friendship.

Just ask them out for a cuppa. 
What do you have to lose? 
With the potential of so much to gain. 
With love
באהבה
Tamy

Video of The Climb

*here’s what my friend a the climber said about what I did. 

... what you did was difficult and impressive

 I would call what you did a: “mildly-deep water free solo V1 Boulder problem"

 The term deepwater free solo is generally reserved for climbing above like an ocean or a lake, but I would say the fear of falling into the water was still there for you.

Do you ever think about how your environment 

shapes your life? 

A couple weeks ago as I was walking to Shabbat services, I started thinking about how often I walk and about how often I go to services. Since I’ve been here, both have become an integral part of my life. I walk everywhere. Not for pleasure necessarily but mostly to get where I need to go. My prayer life had been more spiritual, internal, personal not dependent on a building or set prayers, as I walked, I realized that too has changed. 

I was struck by the idea of how much our environment shapes us. How often have you thought about how your environment affects your life? 

Think about it. 

What are the norms around you, that shape how you live and act?

Moving halfway around the world to create a new life for me has exposed me to start thinking about that question.  

How does my environment shape my life?

In one of my classes we just finished studying the story of Ruth. 

She leaves her home and community to follow her mother-in-law, Naomi after their husbands have died. She is a stranger in a strange new place. Ruth is lucky, she has her mother-in-law Naomi to help guide her, to teach her the ways of her new homeland. She takes on the traditions and norms of the people who surround her. 

In my Chumash/Bible class, we are studying Exodus/Shemot for this whole year. A deep dive in. It’s taken us weeks just to get to chapter 2 when Moshe is running away from Egypt and ends up in Midian. There he meets his future wife and her family. When Tzipora tells her father about him she describes him as an Egyptian man (Ex 2:19). 

We spent time thinking about why they thought he was in an Egyptian man, not a Hebrew. I’m assuming his clothing, mannerisms and maybe even speech gave him away. By the time he leaves Midian to go back to Egypt (and fight the good fight), he’s lived in this new place long enough to be thought of as a Midianite.

Quick bonus note, he names his son Gershom meaning I too was a stranger in a strange land. 

I’m always looking for the connection of what I’m studying to how it shows up in my life. I am usually in awe of the coincidences. 

In my last 15 months, I too have been the stranger in a new strange land. I have shed parts of my old self to fit into my new reality. I have taken on new practices that are shaped by my new environment. 

From my experience, at first, you are an observer of these new ways. Weighing out what you are used to vs what could be. 

Wondering which of these new actions or attitudes might become a new part of you. Over time, I’ve watched myself and others assimilate to our surroundings. Taking on new habits, letting go of others. Letting new ideas and experiences expand our thinking, even in ways we could have never ever imagined.

When I write this blog, I try to be as careful as possible to both share my own experiences with you, at the same time balancing what I perceive to be universal thoughts, truths and feelings. Holding that in mind, this is a glimpse into my life here:

Fridays in Jerusalem are like a beehive of activity from the moment you wake up, you can feel the hum of energy surrounding you. It’s all about getting ready for Shabbat. 

It’s about going to the grocery store, hoping you remember to get everything on your list because in a few hours the stores will be closed and you’ll be out of luck. 

It’s about cooking and setting the table. It’s about making sure everyone has a place to go, a meal or two. 

It’s a count down of time. 

For me, it’s sending my Shabbat Shalom messages/blessings out to my family and friends. It’s my time to slow down and think about all of you… individually. As strange as it sounds it’s really what I do, like a meditation.

In the last few hours before Shabbat, I have just enough time to talk to my sister Holly, take a shower, finish up making one more thing for dinner all before taking a deep breath, turning off my phone and being present to light Shabbos candles. 

Then I slowly walk to Shul, reflecting back on my week. What were the high points? Smiling, holding on to those feelings. What were the challenges? Actively reminding myself to let go of those feelings. 

My synagogue of choice is one with so much music and joy. As I walk in I am engulfed into the warmth of song. It makes me so happy. Sometimes I think my life is like I’m a kid again at camp. Just pure joy! 

And then comes the meals, the food, the conversations, the songs, and the insights from my friends. 

I have 25 hours with no electronics. No real distractions. Just me and my thoughts. 

At first, it was hard, what if the kids needed me? What if something happens, how will I know? So many what-ifs. But as I leaned into the discomfort, I found quiet, peace. I found being with others makes the day fly by in the most delightful, unexpected ways. 

I also find I have time to just look around at nature. I’ve seen butterflies, colorful parrots and one night a bat flying around my head.   

There is a yoga meditation: No place to go, nothing to do, just be. That is how I live Friday night until Saturday night. 

I have to say it’s bliss.

Praying at the Cave of the Patriarchs

Tomorrow I’ll get on a plane to fly home to Chicago. Back to my family and friends who have known me for most of my life. Back to another environment that has shaped my life. Back to a life, I used to know and love. But I’ve changed and they have changed. We will spend some of the time catching up and talking until we find the balance again in our relationship.

I had written fly back “home” with quotes, but then removed them because I believe with all my heart we can have more than one home. I am home here in Jerusalem. I feel grounded and can breathe. I’m making friends and connections. I am finding my way in this new land, gr8ful for my guides and teachers. 

Chicago will always be my home, a place where my children and family live. Where my memories live. A place where I don’t have to introduce myself to you, you already know me. At least part of me.

This week's Parsha (bible story) is called the life of Sarah, but then relates the story of her death and burial. Some think the Parsha is really called the lives of Sarah. Each of us live many lives in this lifetime. I bless you with taking the time to think about how many lives you have already had and how or what you want the next part of your story to be. Always willing to hear what you are thinking about.

Sent with so much love,

Happy Thanksgiving!

xxoo, 

Tamy

I am forever gr8ful for all of you who read all the way to the end, thank you.

My friend and 2nd yr fellow Barry and I on a trip to Hevron

Taking a break from studying to do a bit of knitting with Joe

Gr8ful!

It’s November!! 

In the States the slew of holidays are just starting. 

It’s Cheshvan!! 

In Israel (and the Jewish world) the holidays are finally over! It’s been a long month of Chagim/holidays. This month is our only month with no holidays. It’s a time to reflect on what we learned about ourselves last month, as we descend in to the darkest days of the next few months. Winter!

Daylight savings helps a bit, but lack of light brings its own joys and hardship. That’s a blog for another day. 

Thanks to Facebook, I'm reminded that I’ve had a practice for over 7 years of a day of Gr8fulness during the month of November. 

Which lead me to think about my practice of journaling what I’m thankful for each day. Which lead me to simultaneously think of two more thoughts:

How are blessings connected to this practice?

As well as the idea of seeing/finding beauty each day. 

A handful of years ago, a therapist taught me this trick for getting out of my own head (especially when you are having a hard time).

Start looking for things that are beautiful, bring you joy, make you happy. 

He asked me, what did you see on the way here that was beautiful? My first reaction was I didn’t see anything that was beautiful driving here. I drive this road up and down every single day. 

But given a new task, to find something beautiful, as I drove home I really looked around to see what I could find... and lo and behold, I noticed how beautiful the sunlight was bouncing off the snow on the golf course. 

It made me smile. Finding the first thing, made it easier to keep finding other things. Try it! It really works!

In one of my classes, Striving for the Divine we have been studying the word blessing/ bracha. How would you define blessing?* I know it might seem like I’m getting all religious... but you don’t have to go there. Here’s what my class came up with as a way to start to think about the word blessing. MORE! Activation, to greet, increase, recognition of process, ability, to bless, purpose and more. We also discussed ways we use the word blessing and how we bless.

Notes from my sourcebook

 

In this week's Parsha, right off the bat, the word Bracha is used 5 times in one paragraph. WOW!

This is the first time we are meeting Abraham. G!d is taking to Abraham saying…

וְאֶֽעֶשְׂךָ֙ לְג֣וֹי גָּד֔וֹל וַאֲבָ֣רֶכְךָ֔ וַאֲגַדְּלָ֖ה שְׁמֶ֑ךָ וֶהְיֵ֖ה בְּרָכָֽה׃

וַאֲבָֽרֲכָה֙ מְבָ֣רְכֶ֔יךָ וּמְקַלֶּלְךָ֖ אָאֹ֑ר וְנִבְרְכ֣וּ בְךָ֔ כֹּ֖ל מִשְׁפְּחֹ֥ת הָאֲדָמָֽה׃

I will make of you a great nation, And I will bless you;  

I will make your name great,  And you shall be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you

And curse him that curses you;  

And all the families of the earth Shall bless themselves by you.”

So holding all three of these ideas: a gratitude journal, looking for beauty each day, and blessings, I’m proposing to myself, and to you, it’s never too late for us to start.

You can keep it on your phone, on real paper, or even just in your head. It’s great to have a group, accountability buddies. I can make one on what’sapp, let me know if you want to be added. Or you can even text me or email me, I’ll share mine with you too.*

Here’s the assignment:

What are you grateful for each day?

Where do you find blessing?

Or in what or where do you find beauty? Joy? Happiness?

Push yourself to answer the next question too, why?*

Blessing each of you with Shalom/Peace and incredible heath. 

You are each a blessing in my life. 

You show up, and help me grow. 

Forever gr8ful! 

Thank you!

With ahava love/אהבתי,

Tamy

PS

From now on this will be sent from a NEW EMAIL ADDRESS:

withahava@gmail.com

My goal is to send out a blog twice a month, I know we are all swimming in emails, if you want me to take you off my list, no hurt feeling, just let me know. 

* I'd love to hear what you are thinking, drop me a note or text. 

xxoo, 

T

what did I write last year? 
 לך־לך Go Forth 5779

Newest photo from our field trip following the Sanhedrin Trail

I love Sukkot

My Sukkah 5780/2019

Hi friends, don't forget anything that is in purple and in bold is a hyperlink for more informartion.
I love Sukkot!
And I love it even more in Israel. Sukkahs pop up in every place imaginable. On peoples balconies*, vacant lots, almost every restaurant has one attached to their outdoor area or sidewalk. 

There has been so much written about why we build and sit in these booths. Click here for more info. It’s a temporary dwelling. The Mitzvah is to sit in a sukkah. People eat them, sleep in them and even work in them. I did most of this writing today in my sukkah.

Last year I thought a lot about what it means to live in a temporary state of being. Everything about last Sukkot felt temporary, transient to me. Not stable, even a bit fragile. Pretty much my whole life felt that way for most of the year.

So... we as Jews, spend one week a year living in this state, what are we supposed to be thinking about? 

About what it means to live in this three walled hut with a thatched roof. It for sure makes me grateful for the type of houses we live in. Stable, secure, protected. Many of my friends from Chicago or the northern states, posted beautiful pictures of the Sukkahs the built earlier in the week, but by the end of the week many had blown over and were a mess of poles, sheets and schach( the green stuff on top). For sure not a stable environment.

There’s a level of simplicity to living like this for a week. It’s a bit like camping. You just take the essentials. A table, a handful of chairs, maybe a mattress, some candles and lights, and of course food. So much food!!!

What else do you really need? I think that’s one of the questions we’re supposed to be asking ourselves. What do I really need?

Extra large Etrog and Lulav

I built a sukkah this year for the very first time in Israel (with the help of my landlord neighbors). Starting my second year here in Israel and second Sukkot, I've spent some time thinking about how much more stable and grounded I feel this year. I’m slowly starting to plant roots. Maybe not deep, deep roots like a big oak tree, but more like a cactus or some kind of plant that has shallow roots that spread far and wide. I feel my roots very connected to both Israel and the United States. Just like my dual citizenship, I'll always have two homes. I think we are always striving for permanency at the same time knowing we live in a world knocking us all off balance.

Two blessing to end this holiday season:
I bless you with a balance of permanency with some temporally mixed in to keep you on your toes. With roofs, walls and friends that shelter you from the storms. And with gratitude that you have enough, you are enough and you have what you need. 

I went with my friend Aviva to the Kotel** for Birkot Cohanim

May G!d bless you, and guard you –
יְבָרֶכְךָ יהוה, וְיִשְׁמְרֶךָ

May G!d make his/her face shine unto you, and be gracious to you –
יָאֵר יהוה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ, וִיחֻנֶּךָּ

May G!d  lift up her/his face unto you, and give to you peace –יִשָּׂא יהוה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ, וְיָשֵׂם לְךָ שָׁלוֹם

As always, sending this with so much love/ ahava
שנה טובה
Tamy 

PS Still collecting words for 5780, read the last post and send me yours this week. xxoo, T

*Ask me more about what makes a Sukkah kosher. I studied a lot of הֲלָכָה/ halacha the rules of Sukkot this year.
** Yes, I am wearing a tallit, my dad's. Both of my parents are Cohen, makes me a double Cohanim. Ready to give blessings at anytime :-)