Goodbyes and Hello to What Comes Next!

We had a heatwave here in Jerusalem a little over a week ago. One day, I decided to go and sit under a shady tree, three little schoolboys joined me, tzitzit flying as they danced around on the grass. Rolling around, laughing.
Not a care in the world.  
     Remember that feeling? 
          Not a care in the world. 

As I sat contemplating what I wanted to say to all of you with Pardes* ending. Answering the question on my mind (and seemingly everyone else’s), what is next for me? 


I think I can be so bold to say: life doesn’t always go as planned. There’s a saying people plan and G!d laughs. So far 2020 has brought that saying home to all of us. Things we thought were going to happen this spring just didn’t. Things happened, but maybe not the things we planned. My goal was to start looking for a job on March 1st. Where, one might ask? Maybe here in Israel, maybe in the United States, maybe somewhere else in the world.

We all know what happened during the last three months.
In March and April, it seemed ridiculous to me that I should be trying to find a job when nobody knew what tomorrow was going to bring, let alone the next week. But I took motivation from my phone case: and nevertheless, she persisted! That’s me! I’ve persisted in looking for jobs, interviewing when invited.

Long story short, I’ve decided it is time for me to return to the United States a bit sooner than I thought.  I definitely have some top places I would like to live: Chicago, New York, Philly/DC area, Colorado, California being some of them. My dream job has been one in which I would travel back and forth between Israel and The States. Since I’ve only taken a bus once in the last 10 weeks I don’t think travel is on the horizon. 
Just as Waze recalculates your route, I too need to re-calibrate my direction. I would love to work for a national/international organization. If staying in Israel would be the right move, that could happen too. I really enjoy the bird’s eye view. Once travel opens up again, potentially that could be part of my job. Running an organization, programming and envisioning is what I do best. Working for a Jewish organization has been the bulk of my career and honestly where I imagine fitting in best. 

Why am I telling you all this? I could use your help. If you could keep your ears and eyes open for a job that would fit my skill set I would really appreciate it. I’m happy to send you my resume or look on LinkedIn. I have a variety of cover letters, tailor-made for each position.

Pardes 2019-2020 Closing Circle

Below is some Torah (my thoughts) that I gave to the Pardes community as a way to say goodbye to this 2019-2020 school year. Words that I think are important for everyone, not just at the end of a school year. 


Importance of saying goodbye
 
Some of you may know that I’ve spent a lot of my career working in adoption as well as with young children and their families. Two very separate jobs. A striking connection is most of that work has to do with attachment and separation saying hello saying goodbye. 
As we leave Pardes all of us are or will become leaders.  At some point in our careers, we will sit on boards, we will be directors, we will have many opportunities to watch how people say hello and say goodbye. 
I have sat on many boards in my career. I’ve witnessed two major themes happen over and over again. 

One is the board member who throws a temper tantrum. Who wants to take the organization potentially in a direction that nobody else agrees. They may have a point of view that just isn’t in sync with the organization anymore. Usually what I’ve seen happen is that they either get kicked off the board or they leave slamming the door saying “I never liked you anyway!!” A big fight, it’s a mess. 

The second type of situation happens to some of our really good board members/ good volunteers, someone will ask what happened to So and So? There’s always an excuse… 
     he had to work late… 
          she’s home with her family… 
                 something came up at the last minute. 
The first time it happens you just say OK it seems reasonable. By the third time you start thinking wow did something happen to them but you might not act on it. And about the fifth time, you don’t even remember that they were ever on our board. They just slink away quietly into the night. 

For a long time, I thought those were the only two ways people could leave a board or a situation; either slamming the door or silently leaving. 

Think about your friendships, how have they ended? In a fight that looking back made no sense at all? Did they ghost you? Just stop showing up, never saying why? 

Think about yourself… how do you leave? Which one are you?

I want to say, there is always a third answer. 
Even now… how are you going to say goodbye to the friendships you’ve made here? 

I’ve come to learn that it is incredibly important to say goodbye when you have a chance to say goodbye. Even if it means tomorrow you get to say hello all over again. 

But not taking the opportunity to say goodbye is a regret that will stay with us for a very long time, sometimes even a lifetime. Even if you feel all choked up, ugly crying... I’m begging you, take the chance, take the opportunity to say goodbye. 

Here’s a little blessing/ poem that resonates with me. 

Change happens every moment of our lives – in the world and around us and in ourselves. Even when we don’t want something to change it will. Adapting to change and making good things happen from change is a successful way to be. 
By Susan Williams

Wishing you all the best,
Goodbye for today. See you again soon, 
With Ahava (love)
Tamy

New Photo May 2020

Have you thought about going to Pardes? Now is your chance. 
This summer you can join Pardes online. Pardes is offering amazing discounts for the 2020-2021 school year. What's stopping you? Take a look Pardes Institute for Jewish Studies.

Today's blog is in honor of my father, Melvin Cohen's birthday. 
He would have been 94 years old. 

PS
Here are a couple older posts you might want to take a look at:
Wondering how I felt at the end of last school year? 
Wondering how I moved to Israel?

Taking a Year Off

Imagine sitting in the shade on a Saturday morning. There’s a bit of a breeze. We just finished davvening (praying) and had a snack. It’s our final Pardes Shabbaton. We are in Tavor Alon at a retreat center. Everyone is relaxed and happy. We’ve broken into small groups to reflect back on the past year. 
Many of us (myself included) say something to the effect of... taking a year off my life I learned... I changed... I grew. 
When the third person used the phrase I took a year off, a friend sitting near me said under his breath-  
we didn’t take a year off we took a year on.

At first glimpse it seems like we have put our lives on hold. We left our families and friends, our careers, the path we were on to come here- to study at Pardes in Israel. 
Putting our lives on hold seems like we are just on vacation. Taking sometime off, at the end of the day, going back and picking up our day-to-day lives.  Heraclitus said, “No woman ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and she’s not the same woman.”*
Even if we thought we could walk back into our old lives, we can’t. We’ve changed.

The idea of taking a year on has really made me think. What if we had re-framed our year to think this is our year of living on? 
Not sleepwalking through our lives. Really being present. Being open to new opportunities. New people. New experiences. As the yogis say looking at the world with eyes of wonder. Abraham Joshua Heschel said our goal should be to live life in radical amazement.

As I look back on this past year, I see that I really have taken a year on. I’ve changed in ways I can’t even express. I’m still learning a whole new language as well as culture, let alone landscape. Israeli Jews are just as diverse as diaspora Jews. 
I’ve learned more about my beliefs and values. 
Just how strong I am. I’m braver than I ever realized.  
I’ve said yes to so many things, which I would have never said yes to before.

I studied Tanakh and Talmud. I even learned Gemara. I love Gemara, best mind puzzle in the world.

I made new friendship and relationships. I went to so many places by myself, taking a deep breath and saying hello, what’s your name.

I took classes on Conflict Resolution, Sexuality, Hassidut, text based Spirituality, The Piasetzna Rebbe, Rambam and so much more.

I’ve gone to concerts and shirs (talks) all in Hebrew not always understanding what they are saying, just taking in all in. Letting it roll over me.

I’ve prayed at the Kotel at midnight, at 4am with the sun coming up, by myself and with both Women of the Wall groups. 
I’ve explored new venues of prayer. From mechitza to Jewish Renewal and everything in between.
I’ve hiked in the north and south; Golan, Galilee and swam in the Mediterranean Sea. I’ve officially been here for all 4 seasons.

I am super aware that I have a life that most people don’t really get to do or have. Many dream of it, but few actually take the leap. I totally get it. If things in my own life had not changed, I probably would not be here either. In a strange way, I can’t help but be grateful for all the changes that brought me here. Gratitude still permeates my life.

So how do I end my year on? My year as a first year full time yeshiva student? If you know me well you already know…

I jump back in the water.

I know I am not ready to be finished at Pardes yet. The first weeks were so hard, overwhelming to say the least. My head was on overload. Trying to take in all of the class information, new language, new people, new everything. I have been offered the privilege and opportunity to spend another year studying. I can literally hit the ground running. As one of my teachers said, Tamy, I’ve watched you shed the layers of your old self during your short time here. I can feel the change in myself.
I know, next year will allow me to take higher-level Hebrew classes. I get to study halakhah, Rav Kook and delve deeper into so many of the texts that I have always loved. I am excited and honored to be part of the 2019-2020 Second Year Scholars Fellowship Program.

Shavout dovetailed right into the end of Shabbat. I’ve been blessed with a year of learning Torah. I am excited to keep sharing my Torah with all of you and learning the Torah you bring into this world.
I bless us all with living life on. Waking up each day, asking what can I learn today? Not sleepwalking through our lives. 

I challenge you to take a few minutes each day and think, what is the Torah/stories I am meant to share with the world? What are my gifts? Have I shared them today?
Holding you all so tight,
Sending much love and blessings,
With Ahava,

Tamy
*of course I had to change his quote to feminine. 

  Photos from Purim to Shavout

Pesach, I can eat junk food :-)