Home

When you invoke the idea of home, what do you think about?

Is it your current home? The place you grew up? Or maybe even your parent’s home?

Is there a favorite smell and when you smell it you are reminded of home? 

Or is home a feeling you get when you get off the plane? Ahh… I’m home!

Is it a visual, wow that house looks a lot like the place I call my home. 

Is it a feeling of being grounded, loved, nurtured? 

Is it about family, people or memories?

 

The idea of home being where your heart is and where your feet are really speaks to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between a home and the place we live.

 

When was the last time you moved?

When I was a kid we moved a lot, all around the East Coast.  It wasn’t until I was in 5^th grade we finally lived someplace for more than two years. I was the kid who could proudly say, I’ve lived in 5 places in the first 10 years of my life. As a kid that was pretty darn cool. I have had conversations with some of you and know you had the same experience. When I came to Chicago (my mom’s hometown) for undergrad, I settled here. My mom’s family all live here. The place I came to visit as a kid. My grandparents, aunts/uncles and so many cousins all live here. All of the sudden I was home!

 

I lived here for over 30 years until two years ago when I moved to Israel. Each time I got off the plane in Israel, I felt like I was home. My shoulders lowered down into my back. My face just smiled. My whole self said…  I’m home. Take a look at this older blog post regarding my feelings of loving two homes at once.  

A month and a half ago, I came back again to Chicago, the place where I grew into a grown-up.  

This time is different. 

I am different. 

Two years ago we sold the house I used to call my home. Those memories now live in my mind, heart, and in way too many boxes that have been living in storage for the last 2 1/2 years. 

 

The song Home by Phillip Phillips has been playing in my head all week, especially these lines.

Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone

'Cause I'm going to make this place your home

 

As of September 1st, I became a proud renter of a one-bedroom apartment in Evanston, Illinois. It’s really pretty and light. Hardwood floors and that old building feel. Last week the movers loaded up the contents of my storage locker and brought boxes and boxes of things to my new place. For some people opening boxes that have been in storage for a few years is like Christmas morning. The excitement, the anticipation, and the wonder of what you’re going to find in the box can be really invigorating. But not for me, I had a feeling of dread. What in the world did I pack in these boxes? Some are labeled books, those are the easy ones. A few are labeled dishes, photos or kid's art. 

But the rest… OY! I have no earthly idea. 

 

Slowly I’ve begun opening the boxes, mostly smiling with delight when I find prized items that I had forgotten I still owned. And with a bit more joy in my heart, I set about unpacking. Tonight as I sit in my living room on my new couch looking around at the beautiful flowers in the vase on the table I used to love, I can take a deep breath in and feel like I am finally home. 

 

With love (ahava), 

Tamy

 

PS

Chicagoland Moving and Storage are my heroes! Igal and Erez are also my friends.

They have kept all of my things safe in storage for over two years.

They moved me into my new home. Can’t thank them enough.

Please use them for your moving and storage needs.

 

Sad news from the Jacobs Family:

Our pretty dog Ike, loved our family, toys and going for walks. And boy did he love the snow. He kept us safe from the postman.

As his dad wrote: A glorious life lived in service of others happiness.

He took his last breath on Sat Sept 12, 2020

It’s sad. 

I’m sad.

He was a part of our family for over 16 years. 

What Would You Title This Chapter of Your Life?

How do you mark time? A journal? Old fashion calendar or on your phone, or some other way?
Have you ever looked back at your journals or calendar and thought wow my life has had more twists and turns than I thought it had. It’s so interesting to see where I started and where I am now.

I started this blog a little over two years ago as a way to share my story as I was leaving Chicago for Israel. A few of my colleagues suggested I start writing down what I was going through to potentially help others know that there was light at the end of the tunnel. Going through a hard time is just the transitional piece of moving from one chapter of our life to the next. So I started writing. In the last two years I have gained more confidence, insights about life and more readers. My mind is blown when I see how many people read my blog. (Thank you all.)

I just finished my summer classes at Pardes. I know, I am only a bit addicted to learning, even online. I want to tell you about one of my classes, taught by the amazing Gila Fine. If you ever have a chance to study with her, take it. The title of this summer’s program was Tales of Talmudic Travelers. Gila has a protocol regarding reading a Talmudic passage. I won’t share the whole thing, but the first read through is always what she calls a close reading. For example, we find the characters, setting and the scenes, as if we were staging a production. Again not to give away all of her techniques, she has us give titles to the scenes, like chapters in a book. Each time I’ve studied with Gila, I learn more about the characters, their back story and of course something about myself too. This summer was no exception, especially since all of our heroes were traveling and in transition just like me.

The other morning I woke up thinking...
Am I  done writing? Then I realized, nope I’m just at the next chapter of my life. 

 
My brain went right to thinking about all of you; I thought what do your journeys look like?
Where are you on your path?
And if you had to give your life right now a title what would you give?

I had fun brainstorming titles:
A Woman with a Plan!
Keeping My Eye on the Prize
Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now...
I am Right Where I am Supposed To Be!
Yes, Please! Ready For My Next Adventure
Is This My Life? nod to Talking Heads
Off the Beaten Path
Timing Is Always Perfect
Marching to My Own Drum
Lost in Space
Hold On Tight…It’s a Rocky Road!
On Vacation! Please Leave a Message
How did I get here?
Everything's Coming Up Roses!
I’m Where My Feet Are
Help, I’ve Fallen and Can’t Get Up!
Loving my life! 
Click here to send me your title(s)

I am always looking for the universal pieces of my life, thoughts and writings to share with you. I hope you will continue to write me notes about your lives. I really do enjoy reading them, and will try my best to respond.
Until next time,
With Ahava, 

Tamy

withahava@gmail.com

Goodbyes and Hello to What Comes Next!

We had a heatwave here in Jerusalem a little over a week ago. One day, I decided to go and sit under a shady tree, three little schoolboys joined me, tzitzit flying as they danced around on the grass. Rolling around, laughing.
Not a care in the world.  
     Remember that feeling? 
          Not a care in the world. 

As I sat contemplating what I wanted to say to all of you with Pardes* ending. Answering the question on my mind (and seemingly everyone else’s), what is next for me? 


I think I can be so bold to say: life doesn’t always go as planned. There’s a saying people plan and G!d laughs. So far 2020 has brought that saying home to all of us. Things we thought were going to happen this spring just didn’t. Things happened, but maybe not the things we planned. My goal was to start looking for a job on March 1st. Where, one might ask? Maybe here in Israel, maybe in the United States, maybe somewhere else in the world.

We all know what happened during the last three months.
In March and April, it seemed ridiculous to me that I should be trying to find a job when nobody knew what tomorrow was going to bring, let alone the next week. But I took motivation from my phone case: and nevertheless, she persisted! That’s me! I’ve persisted in looking for jobs, interviewing when invited.

Long story short, I’ve decided it is time for me to return to the United States a bit sooner than I thought.  I definitely have some top places I would like to live: Chicago, New York, Philly/DC area, Colorado, California being some of them. My dream job has been one in which I would travel back and forth between Israel and The States. Since I’ve only taken a bus once in the last 10 weeks I don’t think travel is on the horizon. 
Just as Waze recalculates your route, I too need to re-calibrate my direction. I would love to work for a national/international organization. If staying in Israel would be the right move, that could happen too. I really enjoy the bird’s eye view. Once travel opens up again, potentially that could be part of my job. Running an organization, programming and envisioning is what I do best. Working for a Jewish organization has been the bulk of my career and honestly where I imagine fitting in best. 

Why am I telling you all this? I could use your help. If you could keep your ears and eyes open for a job that would fit my skill set I would really appreciate it. I’m happy to send you my resume or look on LinkedIn. I have a variety of cover letters, tailor-made for each position.

Pardes 2019-2020 Closing Circle

Below is some Torah (my thoughts) that I gave to the Pardes community as a way to say goodbye to this 2019-2020 school year. Words that I think are important for everyone, not just at the end of a school year. 


Importance of saying goodbye
 
Some of you may know that I’ve spent a lot of my career working in adoption as well as with young children and their families. Two very separate jobs. A striking connection is most of that work has to do with attachment and separation saying hello saying goodbye. 
As we leave Pardes all of us are or will become leaders.  At some point in our careers, we will sit on boards, we will be directors, we will have many opportunities to watch how people say hello and say goodbye. 
I have sat on many boards in my career. I’ve witnessed two major themes happen over and over again. 

One is the board member who throws a temper tantrum. Who wants to take the organization potentially in a direction that nobody else agrees. They may have a point of view that just isn’t in sync with the organization anymore. Usually what I’ve seen happen is that they either get kicked off the board or they leave slamming the door saying “I never liked you anyway!!” A big fight, it’s a mess. 

The second type of situation happens to some of our really good board members/ good volunteers, someone will ask what happened to So and So? There’s always an excuse… 
     he had to work late… 
          she’s home with her family… 
                 something came up at the last minute. 
The first time it happens you just say OK it seems reasonable. By the third time you start thinking wow did something happen to them but you might not act on it. And about the fifth time, you don’t even remember that they were ever on our board. They just slink away quietly into the night. 

For a long time, I thought those were the only two ways people could leave a board or a situation; either slamming the door or silently leaving. 

Think about your friendships, how have they ended? In a fight that looking back made no sense at all? Did they ghost you? Just stop showing up, never saying why? 

Think about yourself… how do you leave? Which one are you?

I want to say, there is always a third answer. 
Even now… how are you going to say goodbye to the friendships you’ve made here? 

I’ve come to learn that it is incredibly important to say goodbye when you have a chance to say goodbye. Even if it means tomorrow you get to say hello all over again. 

But not taking the opportunity to say goodbye is a regret that will stay with us for a very long time, sometimes even a lifetime. Even if you feel all choked up, ugly crying... I’m begging you, take the chance, take the opportunity to say goodbye. 

Here’s a little blessing/ poem that resonates with me. 

Change happens every moment of our lives – in the world and around us and in ourselves. Even when we don’t want something to change it will. Adapting to change and making good things happen from change is a successful way to be. 
By Susan Williams

Wishing you all the best,
Goodbye for today. See you again soon, 
With Ahava (love)
Tamy

New Photo May 2020

Have you thought about going to Pardes? Now is your chance. 
This summer you can join Pardes online. Pardes is offering amazing discounts for the 2020-2021 school year. What's stopping you? Take a look Pardes Institute for Jewish Studies.

Today's blog is in honor of my father, Melvin Cohen's birthday. 
He would have been 94 years old. 

PS
Here are a couple older posts you might want to take a look at:
Wondering how I felt at the end of last school year? 
Wondering how I moved to Israel?

Choice = Bravery

Does Choice = Bravery? 
When’s the last time you were really brave!?

There’s a saying do something that scares you every day. 
It’s funny I don’t consider myself a fearful person, but doing something that scares me or makes me have to be brave seems like a different skill. It’s more like, pushing myself out of my comfort zone. 
How often do you do that?

I have a couple stories to share with you about making choices and being brave.

I got back to Israel a week ago, just in time to go on a field trip with Pardes. We went hiking in the Negev. The desert. It’s humongous, vast and has a unique beauty. The landscapes changed each day as we hiked. 

On the second day, we went to Mitzpe Ramon. We were hiking in the dry river bed. Lots of rocks and sand. Towards the end of the hike, we came upon water. There was no way around it- only through it. I could see from the people in front of me the water came up to their thighs, I knew that meant it would come up to my waist. 

What was my choice?!

So taking off my shoes, I waded through the cold water. As we rounded the next bend, more water. This time really deep. Some people swam through it.  

Choices again!  
Turn around and go back through the cold water again, climb up a really tall part of a cliff using handrails… or climb up the face of the wall… 
Or maybe I could just stay there. No option sounded good to me. 

I couldn’t imagine climbing up using handrails. It was really high and it looked really scary. I’m standing facing the wall thinking how I’m was I ever going to get up. Thank goodness for my friends who said we’re going to help you do it. 
They showed me where to put my feet and hands and I climbed up the face of the wall.*

Before I started climbing I almost started crying. I was shaking inside and out. This took a different type of bravery muscle than I was used to using. 
But I did it! I made it through! 
And no one had to push my butt;-)

We all did it. 

Some of us more skilled or scared than others. Teamwork at its best. When I was retelling this story to one of my wisest friends, she said it's more than teamwork. It's looking outside of yourself to see what another person might need. How you can help someone else. What might be easy for you, could be scaring the life out of another. So more than teamwork, humanity work. Building community.

The other type of choice comes in the form of relationships. I think about this kind all the time. Whether it’s making new friends or meeting new people or going new places, they all take a level of risk. Mostly the risk of rejection. 

I’ve met a handful of people, that have said, 
“I’ve been hurt...
                just broken up with my... 
                                        had my heart broken...
and I’m not sure I can risk getting hurt again. 
So as much as I’d like to get to know you, I just can’t...”

I’m not trying to shame anyone more just trying to put out a spectrum of how different people deal with their wounds. 

We all have scars... 

Times we’ve been hurt or disappointed by people or by life. Most of us don’t show our wounds. Most you don't even see and would never know unless we trusted you enough to tell you. 

Many of you know, I keep pushing through, like an energizer bunny. 
I always say, what choice do I have? 
Of course, like most of you, many days I like to just get in bed with my covers over my head. But I can can’t... don’t. 

I think of these verse of this Regina Spektor song On the Radio

No, this is how it works 

You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like 

And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made 

And stick it into some
Someone else's heart 

Pumping someone else's blood 

And walking arm in arm 

You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does You'll just do it all again

That's me. 
I for sure am not saying this is an easy choice, but for me, it's the only choice. 
Push through the discomfort. 
When you get knocked down (and you will), get up again, dust yourself off and try again. 
I've added a new step, what did I learn from this experience? 

Sde Boker

Sending you blessings to try something new. 
Get out of your comfort zone. 
Courage to push yourself physically. 
Welcome a new friendship.

Just ask them out for a cuppa. 
What do you have to lose? 
With the potential of so much to gain. 
With love
באהבה
Tamy

Video of The Climb

*here’s what my friend a the climber said about what I did. 

... what you did was difficult and impressive

 I would call what you did a: “mildly-deep water free solo V1 Boulder problem"

 The term deepwater free solo is generally reserved for climbing above like an ocean or a lake, but I would say the fear of falling into the water was still there for you.

Gr8ful!

It’s November!! 

In the States the slew of holidays are just starting. 

It’s Cheshvan!! 

In Israel (and the Jewish world) the holidays are finally over! It’s been a long month of Chagim/holidays. This month is our only month with no holidays. It’s a time to reflect on what we learned about ourselves last month, as we descend in to the darkest days of the next few months. Winter!

Daylight savings helps a bit, but lack of light brings its own joys and hardship. That’s a blog for another day. 

Thanks to Facebook, I'm reminded that I’ve had a practice for over 7 years of a day of Gr8fulness during the month of November. 

Which lead me to think about my practice of journaling what I’m thankful for each day. Which lead me to simultaneously think of two more thoughts:

How are blessings connected to this practice?

As well as the idea of seeing/finding beauty each day. 

A handful of years ago, a therapist taught me this trick for getting out of my own head (especially when you are having a hard time).

Start looking for things that are beautiful, bring you joy, make you happy. 

He asked me, what did you see on the way here that was beautiful? My first reaction was I didn’t see anything that was beautiful driving here. I drive this road up and down every single day. 

But given a new task, to find something beautiful, as I drove home I really looked around to see what I could find... and lo and behold, I noticed how beautiful the sunlight was bouncing off the snow on the golf course. 

It made me smile. Finding the first thing, made it easier to keep finding other things. Try it! It really works!

In one of my classes, Striving for the Divine we have been studying the word blessing/ bracha. How would you define blessing?* I know it might seem like I’m getting all religious... but you don’t have to go there. Here’s what my class came up with as a way to start to think about the word blessing. MORE! Activation, to greet, increase, recognition of process, ability, to bless, purpose and more. We also discussed ways we use the word blessing and how we bless.

Notes from my sourcebook

 

In this week's Parsha, right off the bat, the word Bracha is used 5 times in one paragraph. WOW!

This is the first time we are meeting Abraham. G!d is taking to Abraham saying…

וְאֶֽעֶשְׂךָ֙ לְג֣וֹי גָּד֔וֹל וַאֲבָ֣רֶכְךָ֔ וַאֲגַדְּלָ֖ה שְׁמֶ֑ךָ וֶהְיֵ֖ה בְּרָכָֽה׃

וַאֲבָֽרֲכָה֙ מְבָ֣רְכֶ֔יךָ וּמְקַלֶּלְךָ֖ אָאֹ֑ר וְנִבְרְכ֣וּ בְךָ֔ כֹּ֖ל מִשְׁפְּחֹ֥ת הָאֲדָמָֽה׃

I will make of you a great nation, And I will bless you;  

I will make your name great,  And you shall be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you

And curse him that curses you;  

And all the families of the earth Shall bless themselves by you.”

So holding all three of these ideas: a gratitude journal, looking for beauty each day, and blessings, I’m proposing to myself, and to you, it’s never too late for us to start.

You can keep it on your phone, on real paper, or even just in your head. It’s great to have a group, accountability buddies. I can make one on what’sapp, let me know if you want to be added. Or you can even text me or email me, I’ll share mine with you too.*

Here’s the assignment:

What are you grateful for each day?

Where do you find blessing?

Or in what or where do you find beauty? Joy? Happiness?

Push yourself to answer the next question too, why?*

Blessing each of you with Shalom/Peace and incredible heath. 

You are each a blessing in my life. 

You show up, and help me grow. 

Forever gr8ful! 

Thank you!

With ahava love/אהבתי,

Tamy

PS

From now on this will be sent from a NEW EMAIL ADDRESS:

withahava@gmail.com

My goal is to send out a blog twice a month, I know we are all swimming in emails, if you want me to take you off my list, no hurt feeling, just let me know. 

* I'd love to hear what you are thinking, drop me a note or text. 

xxoo, 

T

what did I write last year? 
 לך־לך Go Forth 5779

Newest photo from our field trip following the Sanhedrin Trail