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Friday, January 3, 2020

What Would You Write to Your 20 Year Old Self?

Here is what I wrote to my 20 something self...
I wrote and presented this last year and updated it to present last Thursday at a Pardes Take 5 (5 minutes to talk about any topic you want). People asked me to share it, so I thought I would share it with all of you too.
 
Dear Tamy,

You will never, ever, ever guess where I am today and what I’m doing!
 I made aliyah and moved to Israel almost 18 months ago. 
I know, what the heck?! Right?! Who knew that was one of our dreams? Ends up it was.


I’ve been thinking a lot about you, my younger self lately. I guess it’s because I’ve spent the last 18 months studying at Pardes with some of the most amazing, and talented 20 and 30-year-olds I’ve ever met. I’m so honored to call them my friends.



Today I’m lucky enough to talk for five minutes (Take 5) at Pardes. I wanted to share my wisdom and guidance without sounding preachy. A quick list seemed to be the most effective way to share information. So take a deep breath – here goes!

     
Yes, graduate school was a great idea! University of Chicago has served us well professionally.

     One of the biggest takeaways from social work school has been: ask a question then wait for the answer. Count to 10 slowly in your head. If no answer, count again. Rinse and repeat as many times as needed. Don’t worry, the other person will answer if you give them enough time and space. Oh and if they are your husband count again :-)


     Journal – get out of your own head. 

     
     Write letters to yourself – even mail them six months later. So cool to see what you’ve written. I'm always surprised to get the letter and each time before I open it always wonder why the handwriting looks familiar. They have always given me more insight into where I am now than I would have ever thought.
 

      You will present often – try not to read from your notes if possible.
 

      Live life from the perspective of radical amazement and wonder! Wake up and ask what will today be like? Be curious!


     Stay flexible – in all senses of the word- body, mind and spirit.
 

     Say yes as often as you can. I even said yes to waking up at 2 o’clock in the morning to watch a meteor shower. We ended up just sitting on a bench, watching the stars, no meteors that night. And…I still got up first thing in the morning to be on time for class.
 

     Keep G!d, Prayer, Torah in your life – it will grow and change with you.
 

     Fake it till you make! it really works
 

     Sing – sing out loud, sing with the radio, just sing every day. I even sing when I'm walking down the street. I'm sure the man walking right behind me loved listening to me this morning.
 

     Smile- say hello to everyone you meet... you never know who’s day you’ll make. As I walk to school every morning I say Boker Tov to everyone I pass. Some people have even said Boker Or back to me.
 

All the Bees:
     Be polite- say please and thank you.
           Be kind
                 Be honest
 

     Say you’re sorry when you are.
 

     Put your big girl underpants on and tell the truth, Talk directly to the person who you are angry with, not to all of your friends.
 

     Accept people as they are. You can't change them as much as you think you can.
     

     Life is all about attachments and separations. You will meet people you feel like you’ve known your whole life, keep them close by. There will be people you meet and think ... you can't be my people. Try to get to know them, ask them questions. Hold on to some of them too, they might end up to be your people too in the long run. 
     

     Say goodbye when you can – don’t just sneak out the back door.

So young Tamy, let me just say, first, we look the exact same way we did when we were 15 and we will when we are 100 and 20.  The other thing you would never ever guessed in 1 million years is a year ago you were at your best friend/cousin Sherri‘s funeral. She was about to be 50 years old. You got to spend the last three weeks with her during Thanksgiving. 5 weeks ago she said, I know I’m your younger cousin, but… a zebra is a zebra and a horse is a horse. Don’t expect the zebra to be a horse. Accept people as they are.

 
     Family is and always will be a constant in your life. Even when they make you bat shit crazy. And they will!!! They are still your family.
 

     As a Rabbi James Taylor says, shower the people you love with love. Show them the way you feel. I say… keep telling the people you love, you love them. Say it freely and often. Hug them up as much as you can – even over the oceans and the Internet. Call your family and just say hello, I mean it. Call them today!
 

Take risks – even if you get hurt. And you will… I promise, then you will get out of bed, dust yourself off and start all over again.

Life isn’t linear – it’s not even just a set of ups and downs – but more like a crazy rollercoaster ride. It's full of loops, spirals and changes.  Crazier than you can ever imagine.

So buckle up!

          Hold someone’s hand if you can!

                    Enjoy the ride!

                                Onward and upward!
love you so very much,
Your 5779/2019 and 5780/2020 self




Thank you, my dear blog readers, family and friends for taking the time to read my thoughts. It means the world to me.
Wishing you a Happy, Healthy, Blessed 2020. A year filled with 2020 hindsight to see where we have been and with 2020 vision to see where we are going. Glad to be on this adventure with you.
with love/ ahava,
Tamy




4 comments:

  1. Little Jill is in the photo also, between Grandmama and Uncle Pinky Sol!!

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  2. I wish you a great 2020. It is great to hear that the adventure continues!

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  3. Loved reading your letter to 20 year old self. It was full of great remnders to my 71 year old self.
    Thanks Tamy.

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